25 Takeaways From 25 Years
Quarter Life Crisis
I turned 25 a couple of weeks ago, hitting my “quarter-life crisis” as many call it. In the weeks leading up to my birthday, several friends and family members proposed questions including “how do you feel about that” and “has the quarter-life crisis sunken in?” My responses to them were mostly neutral, that I did not necessarily have any specific feelings about this birthday that strayed from others. I was not counting down to my first drink at a bar or excited to have a Taylor Swift song named after my age. But I guess I can rent a car now?
I was withholding my true feelings. I held concerns about running out of time to start my career, meet my life partner, feel financially secure, perform in live shows, etc. We’re told that young adulthood is the time to be experimenting and becoming our authentic selves. But there is so much to balance throughout this pivotal period of life that figuring these things out still feels out of reach.
A Turning Point
On my birthday, I took a nice walk around my neighborhood beneath the grey sky that often blankets Seattle, relishing my time alone and the vibrant spring colors around me. I passed a sign on a neighbor’s house that read “Happy 100th Birthday!” This made me smile, as I could only imagine the collection of memories that undoubtedly come with a life of 100 years. I wondered how that person was feeling on our shared day. Were they fulfilled, surrounded by friends and family? Had they reflected on the growth they’ve made over time?
Seeing this banner put things into perspective and allowed me to reframe this milestone birthday I was experiencing. There’s a sense of excitement in inching closer to a sense of true authenticity and independence. Rather than fretting about time running out, I want to reframe my mindset to consider time as abundant rather than scarce. My freedom to live the life that I desire will continue to become possible with age, and I have learned so much that will help me as I continue along life’s journey.
What information have I accumulated throughout my time so far that will serve myself and others in the coming years?
Here are 25 reminders for myself that I have gathered over 25 years:
#1: Active listening can be uncomfortable, as moments of silence will inevitably arise when I am fully immersed in another’s words. Yet this is one of the best ways to authentically communicate and uplift the experiences of others.
#2: Mistakes are normal, and do not necessarily reflect my inner character or worth as a human being.
#3: Providing a meal for myself and others when I am able is one of the greatest gifts to be shared.
#4: Apologies are sacred and saying sorry should not be a routine act. When apologies are warranted, approach them mindfully and with a willingness to vulnerably admit that you hurt another, regardless of intentions.
#5: When I say no to something, it is important to differentiate who is in the driver’s seat -- is it my true desire, or is it based on fear? There are so many times I said no to something because I thought I wasn’t good enough or smart enough to do it, but fear should not be in the driver’s seat!
#6: Time with older family members and friends is a treasure, as they often bring far more wisdom into daily conversations than they are given credit for.
#7: Routine, joyful movement, such as a walk or yoga routine, is one of the keys to catharsis and a sense of calm in the face of daily stressors.
#8: If routines do not feel good, question them! This can especially apply to relationships with other people or societal structures. Many of us do not recognize the deep need to periodically question the status quo, so starting conversations is very important!
#9: Recognizing and calling out structural racism and the oppressive systems in place that perpetually abuse marginalized members of society is necessary in everyday life. There are other people who carry experiences that I may not be able to relate to, and we must hold space to learn about and advocate for others.
#10: Use someone’s name when you address them whenever it is possible. This holds a lot of power and can help people feel respected and cared for.
#11: Embracing natural elements of beauty can be so freeing, such as letting my crazy curls go.
#12: One person or group of people cannot fulfill all of my needs. Leaning on others is a great tool, but also recognizing the strength you hold within can help with self-soothing.
#13: There are so many details worth noticing in everyday life. Simple things like the smell of coffee in an office or the colorful flowers on the side of the driveway can uplift a moment.
#14: Make to-do lists that are manageable. If they are too long and detailed, it will be an everlasting battle.
#15: Making the bed in the morning makes me feel so much more comfortable when I climb into bed at the end of the day.
#16: Taking time to intentionally turn off my phone for several minutes or hours during the day is one way to feel more free.
#17: Learning to trust physical symptoms of discomfort, such as a headache, chest tightness, or chaotic butterflies in my stomach, is a wonderful tool for unlocking my true needs and current emotional state. Tuning into physical symptoms periodically carries so much power in everyday decision-making for me!
#18: Daily rituals that promote comfort and recentering help me feel grounded in the midst of a busy world that prioritizes stress. Ideas include daily meditations, stretching, walking, or journaling, or even having a designated time set aside for watching Netflix each evening!
#19: Confidence is a beautiful thing that can serve in so many situations. Feeling down on myself or constantly doubting my ability to do something can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, distancing me from my true potential.
#20: Tell the people that you care about what you love most about them. Taking the time to be specific about what their best qualities are shows that you appreciate them and see them fully.
#21: When people make comments about areas I can work on, this is not necessarily an insult but rather an observation. Someone recently verbalized that I appear to get easily stressed and indecisive in new situations, and that doesn’t mean I am not a worthwhile person, but someone who is not perfect. That is ok!
#22: Learn how you learn. Because of higher ed, I often want to breeze through learning experiences to fulfill the requirements. But knowing how you learn best and where you can get creative to best acquire information is key!
#23: Using mantras can be a powerful way to pause repetitive, anxious thoughts that interrupt daily activities. Something as simple as “I choose to let go” can be a useful saying to help me recenter and move on to a different task.
#24: There is a life outside of work and school that deserves the same amount of weight that these environments have. My identity does not need to rely on a metric such as grades or paychecks.
#25: I matter. Taking up space to be seen and have opinions and needs is valid and not selfish. I can devote some of my time and energy to those around me, but also deserve time for myself too.
Final Thoughts
Birthdays often prompt deeper reflection for me, and this year was no exception. These annual reminders create milestones amidst days that often pass before I have a chance to be gracious for their presence. There are so many things that I have learned after living for a quarter of a century. While the person down my street definitely has so much more wisdom to offer after 100 years, I feel very proud in recognizing all that I’ve learned in the past 25 years. I encourage all of you to see this wisdom in yourself.
~ Sarah
